Monday, January 26, 2015

Mindfulness......So Trendy!

In my defense, I tried it two years ago. Back then, one might encounter the word "mindfulness" once or twice a month. Twenty-four months ago, I did not know mindfulness was a word. I was just trying to meditate because some old hippie from California challenged me, in a presentation Shoe and I heard him give, to give it a shot.

But now, mindfulness is the new buzz word. It's SO trendy, SO now. Even the cool kids are doing it. Celebrities, executives in Fortune 100 companies and yes, even the hippies......Everyone is talking about mindfulness. And the noise that's being created about taking a little "quiet time" is deafening.

So, the question that I must answer is "Am I gonna let the trendy part drive me away?" I don't like celebrities. Even my little former Tibetan Monk who's guiding me is a celebrity now! The Corporate Guys are just trying to work an angle to make a buck, and the hippies? God love 'em! In reality, the labels don't matter. I don't like any of them. I have a T-shirt on order. "I Don't Even Like the People I Like!" Yet, they are ALL being mindful now in 2015. And I have to fight 'em or join 'em.

Here's the deal. The studies (real studies) indicate that no matter what the task we are participating in, our minds are SOMEWHERE else 47% of the time! I knew that was true for me. Actually, in my case, 47% is a little low. But I thought I was unique. I thought I was special. I truly believed that none of you understood when I blogged about living in the the wreckage of the future.

But, evidently,  you are just as bad as me and the Science is backing that notion up. So.......47% is not far from 50%. And 50% is half. HALF! HALF! We are spending HALF of our LIFETIMES participating in activities and our MINDS are some place else! I'm still trying to process this idea and I am staggered by its implications.

Today was my 22nd CONSECUTIVE day to meditate. And it was HARD! And it's getting harder! The first 10 days were only ten (ha!) minutes. The second 10 days were 15 minutes. Now, I'm into the 20 minute sessions and my head is spinning! The silent pauses between the Guide's "directions" are getting longer and just as I am thinking that I've lost Internet connection, he pops back in! But by that time, I've forgotten all about the breath and.....oh, just forget it.

I feel like such a failure at this mindful thing and I wouldn't trade it for anything! The early results are amazing. I am actually sensing a difference in my life by simply trying to be present for just a few minutes a day. However, my wife is tickled to death! Last week, I spoke of actually paying someone to help me meditate. It's probably the last time I will pay for it. T will gladly renew by subscription when the time comes around.

In the end, my self-appraisal of whether or not I'm getting any better is pointless. The Person  that I live with is my TRUE mirror. I think I'll go with her appraisal on this one.

Monday, January 19, 2015

Paying To Be Bored

I just finished Day 15 of something quite new in my life and I thought I had better get some thoughts down about it and launch it into cyber space.

A few years back, Shoe and I heard a guy address Prayer & Meditation in a way that, quite candidly, left me feeling a little ashamed. He spoke of meditation as an absolute necessity. Mandatory! He kind of indicated that prayer is a waste of time, if one is unwilling to meditate. What a scandalous assertion!

Now, it's not like meditation had not been suggested to me before. The Denton Yogi had opined years ago that I might have the NEED for Yoga more than anyone she had ever encountered! I have NO idea how she arrived at that conclusion!

Anyway, within a few days of that guilt trip being piled on Shoe and me, I reached out to the Denton Yogi and she passed along a link to a website and said that she had no experience with this site; but maybe I should check it out.

So, I clicked on the link and signed up for a 10 Day Free Trial and jumped into the world of daily meditation. The results were astounding! It's all I wanted to talk about during those 10 days. I got immediate relief. I enjoyed it. Then, at the end of 10 days, the website asked for a credit card number, and my daily meditation practice came to an abrupt halt! I was simply not going to pay some former Tibetan Monk to guide me through a daily meditation. Don't be silly!

Two weeks ago today, I went to the website and entered my credit card number. The site forced me to do the same 10 Day introduction that I did a few years back. However, there was much more information available to me since I had joined the community and I am BLOWN away by the results (relief) I am getting!

I may or may not share the link or name the website in here some day. I am hesitant to be a "non-paid" spokesperson for this site. I mean, really. Since I've deactivated my FB account, there may be as many as 4 people read this post. But for me, a few things are already becoming crystal clear:

1) I can learn to do this. All my former attempts at meditation were pointless. My mind would RACE! "Meditate, meditate, meditate...Sex. Meditate, meditate, meditate...Bills. Meditate, meditate, meditate...Work.  Meditate, meditate, meditate...Squirrel!"

2) This Cat guiding me knows this and gives me permission to fail. However, he doesn't see it as failure. He sees it as normal. Just as my mind wanders, the next thing out of his mouth is, "At this point, your mind is probably wandering off. Just gently bring it back to the breath." WHO TOLD HIM?

3) Possibly for the second time in my life (the first being a few years back), for 10 minutes a day, I am completely PRESENT. I spoke of the "wreckage of the future" very early on in this Blog. I live there. I am NEVER right here, right now. This exercise is giving (teaching) me that skill.

Now that I've imbibed of the kool-aid on this Instructor, I've researched him in addition to his website. I watched a 90 Minute workshop online that he did for Google. During the Q&A, one of those Google intellectuals asked, "How do I keep from getting bored?"

In a kind, gentle way, without embarrassing the dude, the Instructor answered, "If you will just keep with the practice, you will eventually learn that boredom is the goal."

As you might have guessed, we are not done with this topic.

Friday, January 9, 2015

I'll Grant you Crazy....but Delusional?

Finally, I am resolved to get back to what this little experiment was suppose to be about all along.
That is, a forum for me to blast my thoughts into cyber space and stop irritating my family and friends with them.

This year has gotten off to a horrible start and I am absolutely miserable, wallowing in the bitter morass, with self-pity oozing from every pore. I am trying to get down to causes and conditions and, at this point, finding it impossible.

I deactivated Facebook (AGAIN!) and know that only five or six people will even see this. Consequently, without the pressure to entertain, hopefully this post will truly be cheaper than therapy and I can get some awareness of just what is going on!

Recently, my mind is returning time and time again to a quote from an anonymous author in an anonymous volume, "Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he only manages well?"

At its very core, this quote seems absolutely moronic! As a matter of fact, if a survey were done on the streets, I think that 98% of respondents would indicate that "managing well" is the recipe for success.

I mean, that's what I was taught. That's what atheists, agnostics, and most Christians teach. The Christians will wince at that comment! They will say otherwise. They are lying. That's okay! They don't know they are lying. That's why it's a delusion!

This is 'MERICA! John Wayne. Remember? We pull ourselves up by our own boot straps and we "don't depend on nobody for nothing!" (Triple negative intended).

Do I really need to outline where this formula for success has gotten us? Okay, maybe you are perfectly content. Do I really need to outline where this formula for success has gotten me?

Self-reliance continues to leave me falling way short! You have NO IDEA how badly I want to "manage well." I am comparing my insides to your outsides and seemingly, you are managing well.

Or.......are you just as DELUSIONAL as I am?

I call Him God. I make no apology for that! You may call Him Higher Power or Spirit of the Universe. (Those of you atheists and agnostics just see your god in the mirror). I do know this. In the past, God has done for me what I, seemingly, could not do for myself. I am not expecting Him to do the same thing again. I am depending on it!