Tuesday, April 9, 2019

Present and Accounted For

The blame can be placed solely and indubitably at the feet of Stainless. It was just a few hours ago, that as we stood in his driveway, he asked me when was the last time I had any fun? Now mind you, I have been on a couple of pretty cool vacations, been to the UK a couple of times for speaking engagements, seen a few concerts and sporting events.....and for some stupid reason I answered, "Back when I was hitting that ridiculous blog on a regular basis."

True talk. That silly response was the best I could muster. And I have absolutely no idea why it came out of my mouth. But it did. And here I sit. Back in my therapy chair. So comfortable. And so, so cheap!

Trust me when I say that a thousand or two topics have come to mind over the last couple of years. But all of them just exhaust me. And if I dared to bring up even one of them, then I would have to listen to your incessant rebuttals. And quite frankly, you exhaust me even more! As I get older, I truly am getting more and more okay with your right to be wrong and I, for the most part, have given up on trying to make you see it my way.....the right way.

Consequently, instead of addressing societal ills, of which there are thousands. I am going back to where this little experiment all began and I am going to discuss my very most, favoritest topic.....ME!

I find it amazing how so many of my favorite quotes are found on T-shirts. I'll never forget the first time I saw a shirt that read "I don't even like the people I like." Within 24 hours, I had Shoe's wife press me one out and to this day, that shirt remains one of my most valued possessions. Goodwrench, however, is currently sporting a shirt that I must one day own. My jealousy is incalculable. I offered him $100 cash the first time I saw it. On a couple of instances, I have been frozen with envy as Goodwrench has walked into the room with a shirt that says "JUST PRETEND I'M NOT HERE. THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING."

Sometimes, this strikes me as funny/sad. Other times it strikes me as sad/funny. Then there are times, when I'm all alone in my head (a very dangerous neighborhood), that the truth behind this silly sentiment, on a silly t-shirt, just completely breaks my heart.

And I start to list all the places in my daily walk, that I am so tempted to just pretend I'm not here.

I will suggest a few of these places. And I will do so at the risk of retribution. But this ridiculous quote, on this ridiculous shirt has caused me to question:

Do I pretend I'm not here on my job? Have I pretended I'm not here in a house of Worship? Have I not been here when out to dinner with friends? Have I pretended not to be here sitting on the couch watching TV with my wife? Have I really not been here at a choir concert of one of my children? Have I not been here while visiting a friend in the hospital? Have I pretended not to be here at the funeral of a loved one?

It's very, very plain to see that this list could go on and on and on and on.  I cannot describe the extent to which this truth disturbs me.

For those of you keeping score from a few years ago, I am still meditating every day. Coming up on 1,400 days in a row.  The ongoing mantra almost every day from my little Tibetan Monk is to just be present..... right here..... right now.  This simple thought might be the biggest challenge I face in my daily life.

But Goodwrench's shirt has challenged in a way that I've not been challenged in quite some time. And I really, truly want to make a change. And in ALL the instances mentioned above and in all the other hundreds of situations I find myself in, I'm going to strive, to the best of my ability, to be PRESENT AND ACCOUNTED FOR.