Can't Do Either One

It was GREAT to have my daughter home for the week. I still had to work. I even had to work on Friday. But sitting with her in the Family Room, with a fire burning in the fireplace, and knowing she was asleep in her bedroom each night gave me a certain contentment that I had not experienced since August.

Thanksgiving is tough on some. I received news on Wednesday that a former college classmate's son had overdosed and died. I thought of her often during the last few days knowing that Thanksgiving would never be the same for her again. Sad! Very, very sad! There are simply no words.

Yesterday, November 30th, marked the 25th anniversary of my Mom's death. I know that it should not have been any different than 23 or 24. But for some reason, the whole "quarter of a century" thing made me think of her a lot more this year. Mom died a long, long time ago. Yet, in so many ways, it feels like yesterday.

In thinking of my classmate's loss and the anniversary of Mom's death, I am once again reminded of very specific directions in the Bible, when it says to "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn."

I cannot seem to do either one. My self-centeredness prohibits it. I can only view your happiness or sadness through my own life's experiences and it renders me incapable of rejoicing or mourning with you. If you just received a promotion and got a pay raise, I'm jealous that I did not. I can't genuinely be happy for you. On the other hand, if your Mom just died, I will WEAR you out with stories of my Mom's death. And trust me. At the moment you are grieving the loss of your Mom, you could NOT care any less about when I lost mine.

These thoughts are really not an opinion as much as they are my real experience. Of the 700 people  who passed by my Mom's casket and hugged my neck, it seemed like 75% of them found it necessary to recount their Mom's death. I was in shock at what I perceived as their sheer stupidity.

But you know what? In this instance, people really aren't stupid and they really aren't insensitive. They just have NO IDEA what to say! Just like me, they have no earthly idea how to "mourn with those who mourn."

The truth is, the classmate who lost her son, really has no fondness for me. She and I just didn't have many things in common and didn't see "eye to eye." I haven't reached out to her yet and I'm not sure that I will. But my heart aches for her. She is experiencing something and going through things that I pray I will never experience. I have no words. I just don't know how to mourn with those who mourn.

Over the years, as my friends have started to lose parents, I am often the first person they call. They call me because they know "I've been through it." I often share what I just shared above.

People really aren't stupid. They really don't mean to be insensitive. They are not mean-spirited. They are just at a complete loss. Because when it comes to rejoicing and mourning, they just can't seem to do either one.