Then, in April, I addressed it again. The App had a glitch in it, and just short of my 90th consecutive day, the "daily counter" showed ZERO days. I was nothing short of acrimonious. Such an injustice! Well, today is the last day of the year and:
This is a screenshot of my Progress from the App. In 2015, I spent EIGHTY hours in meditation! Do the math. That's 3 1/3 TWENTY-FOUR hour days spent in silence, simply trying to give my racing brain a small rest. The results, believe it or not, have been nothing short of phenomenal.
For most of the past 10-15 years, about every third breath I have taken has been a long, deep, mournful sigh.That's probably due to the fact that I hold my breath most of the time. To say I'm wound a little tight would be a gross understatement. I am impatient, grossly intolerant, and stay about half pissed off. The sheer weight of my personality just crushes me!
I'm not exactly sure what I meant by it. But I do remember looking at T and saying, "I'm just not sure I'm gonna make it." A change was needed. I just wasn't sure of what kind of change.
As I described in the January post, a couple years prior, the Denton Yogi had suggested a new meditation app that had a 10 Day Free Trial. Meditation was certainly going to be impossible for me. But, why not give it a try? It was cute. Kinda fun. I talked about it for 10 days. But at the end of the free trial, the app asked for a credit card number and my meditation days were over. I'm not a hippie, for crying out loud!
But on January 5th, I pulled up the app, got out my credit card and purchased a whole year. As cliche as it sounds, the rest is history.
I will not bore you with the details. But most of my tens of readers are friends of mine on Facebook. You know that my Angel Baby spent three months studying abroad. You remember my Bride spending nearly two weeks in the Mediterranean. Big Tuck was nearly a month in the Middle East!
These are just three life events that would normally drive me insane! But add to that you.....You are a veritable smorgasbord of insanity! I get calls almost daily from friends and some people I don't even like and listen to their stories of death, divorce, restraining orders, joblessness, drug-addicted children, aging parents, cancer....this list could go on and on and on.
Add to that, the daily flood of images of bombings, beheadings, mass shootings, and the IDIOTS who are in power, or those who are seeking to be in power, acting like they give a popcorn fart and can actually do something about it!
My brain is pooped! It just needs a rest. And that's what I've given it almost every day during 2015. You can obviously see that my progress board does not read 360. I have not been perfect. But that's why my little Tibetan Monk calls it a practice. What that screenshot above does not show is my current "run streak." This morning was Day 159 in a row.
I see subtle changes. I know the long, deep sighs are fewer and far between. It seems as though I'm rolling with life a little smoother. But my actual mirriors are those closest to me. And they are OVERJOYED and DELIGHTED that I have committed to this life change.
So, on January 5th, I have no alternative than to renew my subscription. I actually look forward to going to bed at night because I know that when I wake up, I'm going to get a little relief. I'm going to sit in silence and just breathe. I'm going to start my day by giving my brain a little rest. I get to give my mind some space.
That space allows me to get through the day. It helps me tolerate you! But more than that, it enables me to put up with me. After all, as you are all very well aware, it IS all about me!
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