It's Upside Down, Maslow!

I'm not certain at what age we are first exposed to the fine work of Abraham Maslow. Remember him? The dude with the triangle? The whole Hierarchy of Needs? It seemed to come fairly early, though. Maybe 6th Grade. I didn't completely understand it. But I was still down at the bottom of the triangle and remain there till this current day.

I've been thinking about ol' Abe recently. The same cat that blew my head off with the whole Problems and Consequences idea threw another little jewel out there that pretty much sums up the dilemma, as I see it, of almost everyone on the Planet.

Almost as an aside, and with basically no explanation, he simply said, "There's a very fine razor's edge between self-actualization and self-absorption." This wasn't news to me like his other point that resulted in my last post. I certainly knew this. I have tremendous experience with self-absorption. But, it was an interesting way to state it.

I hearkened back to my youth and "Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs" and started playing with the idea that in this current age, we have flipped the triangle upside down and have made Self-Actualization the preeminent human need. It is paramount above all others!

From what I see on social media, a lot of this self-actualization involves our genitals. (My daughter just closed this post as she rolls her eyes and thinks, "My curmudgeon Dad is about to go on another rant about our obsession with our toilet places) But, the evidence is clearly there. And it is sad to see, yet so fascinating!

Not long ago, ABC News reported that we are now up to FIFTY-EIGHT gender identities. I've not confirmed this, but rumor has it that Facebook is now recognizing 72 gender identities. Talk about pressure! What a horrible burden to place on our young people! Bless their hearts! We just didn't have it this bad back in the day. But today, these kids are being forced to sift through a list of 58 possible gender identities and it's taking them years to do it! There is no time for food, water, safety, security. The bottom tiers of the hierarchy will just have to wait. This is a laborious, monumental task! And after all choosing an identity, they have to determine the pronoun they wish to be referred to, lest they be offended. This can be a lifetime job, leaving little time for little else. I spoke to a Millennial recently who stated that the stuff going on, even on his college campus, is some of the stupidest stuff he's ever seen. But you can bet your last red cent that he's never going to voice that opinion. Those people who preach love, tolerance, and non-judgment would label him as every kind of "Phobe" one can think of and banish him for life.

The genitals, however, are not the only defining point of self-actualization. There are those who have never spent one second of their lives pondering what gender they are who stand tippy toe on that razor's edge between self-actualization and self-absorption. I know I certainly do.

In 2010, I became insufferable to everyone around me as I went from couch potato to Marathon finisher in 11 months. My story grew tiresome to everyone around me. But I could not have cared any less what you thought. I knew for years that the Marathon was the ultimate example of what it looks like in life to set a goal and to achieve it. Something to take pride in! Something to give me value and self-worth. It only took a couple of years for me to see the folly of that and just how wrong I had been. So, I did the only natural thing and entered my first Triathlon. Go figure!

I have a good friend that spends most of his time in honest self-appraisal. One to two hours a day, journaling, appraising, taking inventory, praying, meditating  in order to arrive at the top of the triangle--- self-actualization. He calls me occasionally wanting to go over all these findings. It is a beating to listen to. But I haven't shot him down yet. It's a lesson he needs to learn on his own. That lesson is that his quest for self-actualization is nothing more or less than self-obsession.

I think old Abraham would be spinning in his grave if he knew where we have taken self-actualization. We've taken it to the "razor's edge." We have turned it into self-absorption. Self-obsession! And that razor is starting to cut deep. Very deep.

What's the Problem?

It's been a while. Actually, it's been quite some time. Words just will not come for the Post that I really want to write. It's swimming around in my head somewhere. But I just cannot seem to spit it out. Maybe it will come. Maybe not. No doubt fear is providing the writer's block.

But, I heard a guy speak tonight. And I'm fairly certain that no sleep will come until I get this thought out of my head. It struck me hard. Kicked me right in the gut. Because he addressed one of my favorite topics. He was discussing problems. And boy oh boy, do I have problems!  I am on record in regard to my problems. I've even been known to rudely express in large groups, "I know you people think you got problems. But my shi....stuff is REAL!"

Anyway, here's what the dude had to say.......He described a conversation he was having with a trusted friend. He was listing all his problems. Joblessness, IRS debt, no transportation, a number of ex wives, kids that despised him. The list went on and on and on. Problems, problems, problems!

After he  had worn himself listing all his problems, his friend suggested, "Man, you don't have any problems. What you have are CONSEQUENCES!" The friend went on to encourage him to STOP trying to FIX the consequences and get real serious about FIXING the problem. And the problem was staring at him every morning as looked into the mirror to shave.

His talk went on for another half hour after that little nugget. But I heard very little of what he had left to say as my mind started racing applying this simple truth to all sorts of situations.... in my life, in your lives, and in the World in general!

My house's foundation certainly came to mind. Some of you are aware that we are just now on the back end of a major home renovation. It all started with the foundation. The situation was so bad that we had to move out of the house in order to install several piers inside the house. It may be one of the most traumatic experiences I've ever gone through. However, the foundation was not the problem. The foundation was a consequence of not maintaining the moisture levels around the perimeter of the house and letting the damage progress for several years after the first signs of an issue presented themselves. Consequently, for six weeks, we been fixing consequences. Not problems.

It's not too much of a stretch, to apply this same thinking to our country's abysmal situation. Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are consequences. They are NOT the problem. The whole system is so broke in Washington and nobody seems to have any interest in fixing the problem. That leaves us trying to fix the consequences. And believe me, both these scumbags are consequences.

I'm not much of an Economist. But is the $20 Trillion debt the problem? Nay, nay, thrice times nay! The debt is a consequence of years and years and years of not addressing the problem.

Crime, poverty, dope......

I can go on and on. But I find it too depressing. Just dream up any problem you can. Then ask yourself. Is it really the problem? Or is it a consequence?

I see a real need to get down to causes and conditions. And it hurts like hell to actually do that. As a rule,  I refuse to address the problem. Therefore, I spend most of my time fixing consequences. I'm not convinced that you are any different.

It cost me a friendship a few weeks ago. A dear friend is so wrapped up in fixing consequences that she has NO idea what the problem is. In the middle of watching about 10 guys destroy my house, with my nerves running six inches out the ends of my fingers, and my brain too big for my head, she called. It was the same conversation we've had several dozen times. My tolerance and patience failed me. I was rude, caustic, and just plain mean. The loss of a friendship is NOT the problem. It is a consequence! Eventually, maybe one day, I will get down to the problem, to the actual causes and conditions of why I act that way.

My wife did not leave me today. But, hypothetically, let's just say that she packed all her stuff and hit the road. My problem would not be the potential loss of a marriage. The problem would be ME. And just what is it about me, that made her decide  to pack her things and hit the road after 27 years of marriage? I'll say it again. Causes and conditions.

I suggest to you that we spend way too much of our energy and time fixing consequences. And that's a shame. And it's sad. Sad for me. Sad for you. And sad for this broken world.

Just Dad, Me, and Ali

Muhammad Ali died the other day. There was no where to turn this weekend without hearing or reading a tribute. I terrorized my family all weekend with that noteworthy line from Coming to America, "His Momma called him Clay. I call him Clay."

Cassius Clay was arguably the most famous man of the Twentieth Century on the Planet! There is NO WAY I am going to delve into all the facets of this icon's life. It has ALL been said. From the "Conscientious Objector," to the religious conversion, to the multiple marriages, to the kids (born both in and out of wedlock), there is simply nothing new to say. In fact, I DON'T CARE!

The theme, however, that I keep seeing repeated comes from the folks my age, that were born in the 60's. More than a good number of you just keep posting, "Muhammad Ali reminds me of time spent with Dad." And oh what a time it was!

Boxing was still Boxing back then. It had not yet become as authentic as professional wrestling and been ruined by some of the sorriest people to ever waste oxygen. It was on Network TV. It didn't cost $100 on PPV.  It was broadcast via satellite all over the globe and it was the spectacle of spectacles!

There was no "school night" bedtime on the night of an Ali fight. My mom and sister would go to bed. But Dad and I would be glued to the television. We would mock Howard Cosell. But, in truth, was there anyone any better in the fight game? For some reason, the loss to Spinks stands out most in my mind. But watching an Ali fight with Dad are some of my greatest memories from childhood.

I met The Champ back in 1991. I shared an office with a dude whose wife worked for the property management company of the building we worked in. She called and said that Ali was in the lobby. I tore down there as fast as I could.

And there he was! Just him and a handler. Just the three of us. No crowds. No fans. No spectacle. I froze. I had no idea how to proceed.

His handler noticed me and said, "Son, you want an autograph?" I said "No, I'd just like to shake the Champ's hand." He then informed me that an autograph would be okay. He asked my name, turned to Ali and said, "It's Kevin, Ali." The Greatest just kind of grunted. He repeated, "He said Kevin, Ali."

Ali was holding a stack of pro Islamic tracts. The "To:" was already written, as was his name and the month and year. My stomach tied up in a knot as he wrote, with horribly shaking hands, "Kevin" and entered the day between the month and year on the date.

I then put my hand into the largest hand I have ever seen and shook The Champ's hand. I managed to stammer out, "It's an honor. Thank you." He threw a slow, shaking jab at my chin. And I walked away.

I found it difficult to get back to work. I felt ill. I told my office partner that I was almost sorry that I ran down there. I did not want to remember Muhammad Ali that way.

I only wanted remember the spectacle. I wanted to remember the interviews with that annoying Howard Cosell. I so wanted my lasting memory of the Greatest to be the nights of  those nights, when it was just

Dad, me, and Ali.